New Year; New Plan; New Goals

So I sucked at blogging the last 2 months of the year. I got too caught up in my fertility stuff (which BTW is going amazing since I've started taking 1500mgs of Metformin a day) and got too caught up finishing Christmas craft projects etc.

My brother and his girlfriend asked me if I wanted to do the P90X plan with them and I thought "Why the hell not?!?" So I printed out my workout plan, got my DVDs ready to go (have had them for a few years and haven't done them) and am ready to start!

My husband has been busy creating a new online app called Kinspire. I'm not sure how it works yet because he's kept it pretty hidden from me but he assures me it will be ready to go by tomorrow when I start my first workout!

My eating plan will not be too complicated. I'm going to be doing a type of insulin-resistance diet which is a form of low-card in my opinion. Essentially I'm going to aim for a 40-30-30 ratio meaning 40% carbs, 30% protein and 30% fat. This is a great diet to do for those of us who have PCOS and who take Metformin especially (it prevents the upset tummy).

The most important thing to remember with an insulin-resistant type of diet is to link your foods. You can eat carbs, but you've gotta keep it to under 30 grams of carbs per sitting and link them with about 14 grams of protein. I've already been doing something similar to this already so I'm excited to see how it will work.

Of course I will be tracking everything through MyFitnessPal so that I can see where I'm at during each point of the day. I'm also going to try and stick to between 1500-1800 calories per day. We'll have to see how much P90X kicks my butt - cause I KNOW it will.

So why is this weight loss attempt any different from all of my previous attempts you might ask...well, it's because I've created some built in consequences and rewards for myself. In order to ensure that I actually DO my workouts every day, I'm not allowed to watch TV (I have a few favorite shows I record that I have to watch!) OR come down to my computer/craft area and sew (my favorite pastime). If I'm not allowed to do either of those things until I've worked out, I KNOW I'll actually do it. But I'm not going to be policing myself....I've given my husband permission to actually hold me accountable to this so if he sees me watching TV, he has every right to ask me if I've worked out yet....and I better be able to say YES!

And what is my motivation for actually completing the full 90 days besides the negative reinforcement?  Well, if I complete the full program, my husband has agreed to take me to either Disneyland or Disneyworld...depending on if we want to make a trip all the way to FL this year again.....SO....that's motivation enough for me because I just LOVE Disney!

I'll be taking my "before" pictures tomorrow before my workout and I'll post them up. I'll also try and be better about blogging my progress and my reaction to the P90X workouts. I'm a little scared about the intensity....but I also know I just need to do it already.

Also, there's the slight possibility I may be pregnant....but I won't be able to know for sure until the end of next week or so. Even if I am, I think I'll still stick to the program in some way.

A New Plan

So now that I know I've got PCOS, I've already starting taking some measures to clean up my act because now I really do realize the importance of eating healthy and exercising. I've also finally realized why all of my weight loss attempts in the past have been fruitless! Yeah I was eating less calories and exercising, but I wasn't eating the RIGHT things. I may have been eating only 1300-1500 calories a day, but my body was still storing everything as fat because I didn't have the right mix of carbs, proteins and fats.

Over the past 2 days I've stuck to a 25% carb diet with the remaining being protein and fat, mostly protein. I'm also down 2.5 lbs!! How incredible is that?!?! I've even noticed I'm feeling a lot better and I don't have that "brain fog" I used to have. I have tons more energy already and I survived my elliptical workout yesterday without getting shaky (damn those carbs!)

Here's the proof of my workout:

I actually ended up doing about 30 minutes on it total and burned almost 330 calories! Go me :) My heart rate always goes up pretty high when I'm on those tough settings...my heart rate can get up to 160 sometimes but that's just right before I'm into the "red" zone and then I back it down a bit to get it lower.  I love the elliptical cause it's so low impact and easy.

Here's a view of my new typical diet I'm going for these days. No cookies, chips, ice cream, bread, cereal, pasta, etc.  Now it's all veggies, chicken, fish, yogurt, eggs, cheese and more veggies! For now I'm ok with having less variety but I wonder when the cravings will kick in?

Today is salad and light greek yogurt for lunch. Salad has spinach, hard-boiled egg, tomatoss, peppers (yellow and orange), green onions, mushrooms, almonds, canned chicken and pomegranate vinegrette. Also, I always add in a wheat germ/flax mix to my yogurt for extra texture.

My snacks for the day consist of the cottage cheese below (with cayenne and green onions) and a Wonderslim protein shake in Chocomint. I can't wait for that shake because it will totally be like having dessert!!

I'm going out to a movie premier with a friend tonight and I've convinced her to go to Wendy's for dinner with me so that I can splurge on their small chili with cheese and onions - yummmm!

So far it's not that hard to eat this way, especially when I'm stepping on the scale and seeing it go down - that's so much motivation for me.  Plus the fact that seeing all of those cysts on my ovaries did not burn a good visual into my mind - every time I even think about wanting a cookie or chip I just have to remember that visual in my head!

Diagnosis

I'm essentially going to copy and paste this post from my family blog on to this one since it contains all of the info I wanted to share with you:

So my fears were confirmed at the specialist this week: I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). I'm not going to go into massive amounts of detail about what it is because you can research on your own via Google if you want. But to say the least, a big part of the reason I'm fat is because I have PCOS and the reason I have PCOS is because I'm fat. It's a vicious cycle.

Nonetheless, I also had an ultrasound done of my ovaries. I've got about 15 cysts on EACH ovary - I saw it black and white for myself. Apparently the acne I've struggled with since I was a teenager is a major give away as well. Of course, the most definite indicator of PCOS is my irregular periods.

I'm not ovulating because of PCOS even though my eggs are trying so hard to grow and come out of the ovary. There's just too many receptor inhibitors - namely insulin - blocking my ovary's response to FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). So obviously I can't get pregnant if I'm not producing any eggs!!

The first step we're taking is to put me on Metformin (this was the same thing the mean endocronologist prescribed me in September) to help regulate my insulin levels. The second step is to take Provera - it contains progesterone. Basically I need to take that for 10 days and after that is up I should "bleed" and clear out everything that's old and been sitting for a while. Once the bleeding is done I'll start on Clomid to help me ovulate. During this time I'll be going back to the specialist so that they can monitor all of my progress.

I'm hopeful just to get my cycles regular again. From the reading I've done, all of the cysts should clear up on their own after a few cycles. So I shouldn't have to really worry about them.

The biggest thing I've got to worry about is my carb intake. Essentially I need to maintain a very low-carb diet in order to manage my PCOS. I'm REALLY sad about this because I love my pasta, ice cream and of course bread!! But I probably love them because I'm addicted to them. Ramin suggested I stick to around 100 carbs a day. I'm not too sure how hard this will be just yet but I'm definitely going to try it.

When I went to get my prescriptions today I also loaded up on eggs, yogurt, meat and veggies because those will be the staples of my diet for a while. I basically just need to reset my body and then I can slowly add in some carbs at that point.

So...we have the news. I'm relieved and excited to actually know what is wrong and to have a plan. It feels SO much better than not knowing!!

Latest Addictions

I loooooooove yogurt. And not just any yogurt - GREEK yogurt!  For me, food is all about texture and the thicker a yogurt can be, the better!

If you've got a Kroger store near you (for me it's the local Smith's), you've GOT to check out their Kroger brand yogurts. I used to be all about their Carb Master yogurts, but lately I've been into their Greek yogurts for the amount of protein they have in them!

This was part of my lunch yesterday....I usually have my yogurt as an afternoon snack really. I've been dipping all kinds of graham crackers into my yogurt and it's AMAZING!  I only had the regular Greek yogurt's left in my fridge and they run about 130 calories. They also have a Light Greek that runs 90 calories. I'm going to make sure I get the Light version from now on - so that I can eat more grahams with it!

This morning for breakfast I had an old stand-by:

I looooove these things and they're easy to either eat in the car on the way to work OR just take them to work and pop it in the microwave for a few minutes.

So I ate that this morning.....and then....I wanted something baked. Sometimes you just gotta have a baked good dangit!!!

I found this in my lunchbag and ate it!

I only had one...and it was goooood  - it's better than having a donut right?!?!?! :)

Happy Friday!!

5K Pictures

While I was on hiatus - I DID actually run another 5k....but I never even posted pictures from my first one!!

So here I am with my best friend (also Jenn) on August 11th during my FIRST 5k!!

Note to self: ALWAYS go potty before the race, even if you don't have to go!! 

Two weeks later in September, I ran another 5K (actually more like walked) with my friend Tanner. This one really kicked my butt because it was mostly uphill. I finished it in 49 minutes! 

It was called the Sundae Run and we got ice cream sundaes afterward. As you can see from my pic - I didn't even eat mine until 15 minutes or so after the race because I was literally THAT BEAT! When I DON'T want ice cream, you know I'm in pain. 

Anyway, I did the runs and then I stopped running, especially after I went on my "hiatus". I started to get the feeling that I was pushing my body too hard with the running and therefore it impacted my "cycles". I'm not sure if that was true or not but things are supposedly back to normal and I'm sticking with tried and true exercise that I know won't impact my body as much.

The Global Fat Scale

I was reading one of my usual blogs and came across The Global Fat Scale....I'd never heard of this before but it was surely an eye opener (to say the least!)

Basically, you can compare your current BMI to the rest of the world population, including the population within your own country.

Here are my results:

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............

I don't even have words for this right now. All I can think of is "at least I'm not as fat as SOME women in this country!"  BUT DAMN!!!!!!

If you want to check it out for yourself - visit The Global Fat Scale

Back on the Wagon!

Yep - I'm on it.

I went through a rough patch emotionally through the months of August and September. My whole TTC (Trying to Conceive) journey has been rough and emotionally taxing on me....but in the end I've come out stronger and I've realized that I just need to be healthy for it's own sake and not for other extraneous reasons.

Things will happen when they are supposed to happen.

All I can control in this world is myself and what I choose to do and think. The choices I make are the only things I can control and I actually feel empowered by that. So much is out of your control when you are TTC and as someone who's been in control of most of her life (and been very successful at that!) I've found that my TTC trials have been the most stressful.

So I've found some new found inspiration in the fact that I ACTUALLY HAVE A CHOICE to be healthy!! I never thought of it that way before.

With my newly found zest and zeal I'm already down 3 lbs!

This morning I weighed in at 216.6! I was hovering around the 220 mark just last week!

I'm back to counting my calories and exercising throughout the week.

I plan to make a NEW goal list - one that I can refer to often.

Thanks to any of you that stuck around and wished me well - it's been helpful :)

Hiatus

Hey all,

It's not hard to see that I haven't posted in a while. That's because I've been struggling through some issues.

At the core of it. I feel like my fitness/weight loss goals were overwhelming my life and making me stressed out, which in turn has affected the state of my body - i.e. delayed ovulation.

I have some other issues and symptoms I'm dealing with and basically at the core of it, I'm scheduled to visit an endocronologist on September 11th. Until that point, I'm trying to level myself out as best as possible in an attempt to jump start my cycle once again.

Until I get some clear answers and have a clear direction of how I need to take care of my body, I will be on hiatus from updating this blog.  I will still try and eat mindfully and healthfully....I will try and exercise - I do have another 5k coming up on Saturday.

Later!

5k? CHECK!

I'll have more pictures to upload later when I actually have time to sit at my computer at home. But that shows it RIGHT THERE. I completed my first 5k this past Saturday up in Midway, Utah.

Normally, I've been running a 41 minute 5k....but this one had some....challenges. First, we had to run up Memorial Hill. Here are some views of what it looks like:

Basically you wind up around that thing about 3 times....so we did that and it was TOUGH! The second problem I encountered was that I just happened to be battling a UTI (urinary tract infection) on race day....the entire way up the hill and the entire way down was horrible because I had to pee super badly!!  I just prayed so bad that there would be a porta potty at the bottom of the hill...and thank goodness there was! So that alone added about 3-4 minutes on to my total because you know how many garments I've got to take off just to go pee!! That Spanx I wear isn't easy to get up and down!





So there we go! First 5k accomplished. The next one is August 25th!! I hope my legs recover before then!

Tuesdays

I've made a decision. Tuesday mornings are going to be the mornings I wake up and go running. I did it this morning and did another 5k loop around my neighborhood. I made progress and was able to cut out 1 minute from my overall time.

I ran/walked the entire thing in 40:15 minutes, down from 41:33. AWESOME!

I really feel great this morning too. We'll see how long I last throughout the day.

Now I'm at work and I'm hoping the boredom/snack monster doesn't hit me. Sitting at a desk all day long really makes me bored, even if I've got tons of work to do.

I'm going to try and get up and walk for a few minutes if I'm tempted to snack on stuff and just eat.

UGH

I had two bad days last week and one majorly good day.

Bad day 1 was Thursday - my last post - when I went to Culvers. The second bad day was on Saturday. I was good up until dinner when I went out with my dad. We went to Sizzler and I had a "fairly" healthy meal. A 6oz steak with sweet potato fries and a house salad. After that we stopped at Baskin Robbins and I was actually mindful. I got a 1-scoop frozen yogurt sundae...it was literally child sized.

The good day was Sunday morning. I woke up and ran/walked the 5k loop around my neighborhood. I did it in 41:33 minutes! It kicked my ass too and I was hungry the rest of the day. But I was still pretty good.

I got up this morning and I was 3 lbs! To 219! WTF?!?!  I just don't get it.

Whatev. I don't care at this point. All I know is that I've got a 5k to run again on Saturday morning up in Midway - my first official event. So that means I'm waking up early tomorrow morning to do the 5k loop in my neighborhood again. We'll see how it goes!

Bad

I was bad today. I went here with my boss for lunch:

Last time I was at Culvers I was good and got a grilled chicken salad. This time, not so much.

I don't even want to write what I had, just know that it wasn't good.

There's always one day in my cycle where I literally have no willpower to do anything - and I always know which day it is exactly. Today was that day coincidentally. I did bring my lunch to work, but I went out to eat instead. Bad idea.

Oh well. It's over and done...and I'm still going to go on my run tonight regardless.

HELP!!! Temptation is knocking!

AHHH I don't know what else to do right now. All damn day I've been wanting a stupid caramel popcorn ball that you find at some of the gas stations where I live. I just LOVE their texture and how they take forever to eat.

I just had to write that cause I'm sitting here at work  with another 1.5 hours to go before I can drive home. It will take all my willpower NOT to stop at the gas station and pick one up!!

It starts TODAY!

Today is August 1 and I have exactly 30 days to lose 5 lbs if I want to achieve my first mini-goal!

I'm off to a great start because this morning I weighed in at 215.8. I'll carry the momentum throughout this week and keep exercising everyday.

Here's my snapshot of my daily intake for the day:

This is just the morning through afternoon meals. Some neighbors brought us a cinnamon loaf from Kneaders last night and so I just had to have a slice this morning. The closest equivalent thing I could find to it for calories was a Cinnabon rolll since my husband thought the bread tasted like that.

I haven't added in my exercise calories yet either but I plan to just have a light salad with Tuna for dinner. I'm also going to do some arm free weight exercises and an ab workout. I prefer not to do any of my videos today because they always combine weight lifting with leg workouts....my poor legs need a break. I want to rest them up a bit before tomorrow's next run.

BTW...for my 1.5 mile circuit, I did it in 22:56 minutes last night. That's a full 30 seconds faster than Sunday night! I doubt I'll be able to keep shaving off 30 seconds each night I go out, but to see any progress is FABOLA!

Yay for August!

Weight Loss Simulation

Ok ok ok...I am still tracking all of the food I eat along with all of my exercise. I am always doing SOME kind of exercise every day after work. In fact, tonight I am doing my 3x weekly run/walk. On Sunday I was able to run the circuit in 23.5 minutes which is 30 seconds faster than my previous run. I'm hoping I can beat that tonight since my legs are much less sore than they were on Sunday.

Posting my daily intakes can get boring so instead, today I'm posting my weight loss simulation. Everyone's been posting them recently and you can do your own at this site here: http://www.modelmydiet.com/

Anyway, here's what mine looks like...I tried to make the model look as much like me as I possibly could, they don't allow for much customization.

I actually wish I looked that good in a bikini right now....the simulation is clearly not totally accurate. I have a LOT more rolls down in my mid section...but it's still nice to see what I COULD look like at 130 lbs.

Is it motivating enough? We'll see....

Saturday

Saturday went by super fast but it was good. I started the morning by going to a Wellness Walk for the Salt Lake County Corporate Games. I took my husband and we basically just walked for about 20 minutes - we were there to get participation points really :P

Came home...did some stuff around the house, took a nap and then did my ChaLean Burn #3 workout!

I absolutely LOVE doing the ChaLean strength workouts because she doesn't do tons of reps and each video is about 35 minutes long.

It kicked my butt though. I'm pretty sore today but I'm still going to do my nightly run/walk session.

Here was my diet yesterday...I probably ate way under my calories because I didn't account for any of the exercise I did at all...so I basically just stuck to the 1350 goal, even though I did go over just a bit.

Friday Meals

My goal for Friday was to document my meals for the day. I did good, up until dinner. We went over to our friend's house to watch the Olympics Opening Ceremony and we had a potato bar. I must say I did say on track but I didn't capture any pictures.

I didn't do any exercise on Friday - other than walk 10 minutes between buildings at work - because I was recovering from the past two days of intense workouts. I stayed within my calorie allotment though. I did eat 2.5 cookies that my friend made last night and I didn't plug them into my totals.

But here is my most common breakfast meal - spinach and cheese omelette with toast. I never knew how to make omlettes until I just started practicing...now I LOVE them!

Ingredients:
1 egg - scrambled
green onions - cut as many as you like
spinach - pulled into small pieces
colby & monterey jack cheese (I'm going to switch to fat free cheese next week)

Heat the pan and  pour the egg in....then add the spinach and green onion to one side....the bulk of the cheese goes on the other side, but I also like to sprinkle some on the veg side too.

Let it sit for a few moments....the eggs will start to get puffy.

Once the eggs are firm enough...you can pull one side and just flip it onto the other. You can only do this once the eggs are cooked through, otherwise it will run all over.  Cook on both sides until you reach your desire. I like my omelettes with a bit of brown on both sides. I also cut mine in half while cooking to make sure the middle is fully cooked.

 Final product: 1 slice of 12-grain toast with spreadable butter and my omelette. It's my go-to breakfast!

And here was my lunch for Friday: Salad!

You can see all of the ingredients for it up above.

I was SO proud of myself on Friday because I was tempted with a Noon meeting with a bunch of people trying to persuade me to eat the Papa John's pizza they brought in. I stood my ground because I knew I had my lunch waiting for me at my desk. I'm so proud of myself for that :)

One thing I keep telling myself is that even though the number might not move on the scale, I know I'm creating healthy habits for myself no matter what!

Ok...two days in a row

....stickin to the plan and makin some progress!

The scale did not budge this morning...but I'm trying to keep this quote in my head this week:

Basically....I shouldn't really expect to see any results on the scale for at least a little while.

Anyway...today's daily intake is:

I think I had really good day actually. Very healthy in my opinion, save for the 3 squares of dark chocolate, but even that's pretty good for you!

I totally meant to take pictures of each of my meals but I spaced. I'm going to try and do that tomorrow. If I don't have the breakfast I listed above each morning, then it's cereal with some Silk. But most days I try to have a spinach and cheese omelette with a piece of toast.

So tomorrow I'll post pics of my meals.

As for exercise today...right now it's 7 pm and I'm waiting for my dinner to settle a bit AND for the 100 degree heat outside to cool off a bit before I go outside and mow both the front and back yards. I plugged in 30 minutes of "mowing the lawn" into MyFitnessPal. I also slated 16 minutes of jogging (slow pace) and 9 minutes of walking (3.5 mph) for a total of 25 minutes. That's what I was able to accomplish on Tuesday night, we'll see if I achieve the same tonight. But those two things got me to the 528 calories burned mark for today.

See ya tomorrow!

Daily Intake

My calorie goal is still 1350 calories per day, but that's based on me just sitting on my ass doing nothing all day. For the time being, I'm hoping I'll be able to lose weight if I "eat back" the calories I burned during my workouts. I know there's loads of controversy from various people about whether that works or not. For now, I'm going to see if my choice works and if it doesn't, then I'll focus on sticking to my 1350 calorie goal and NOT eat anything back after working out.

Here are today's totals:

Please note the donut in my snack list. Yes, I had that thing at 11 am - I couldn't resist because I am weak and someone brought them into work!!!  It wasn't until the afternoon that I had my fitness motivation. Although I could argue that I got into the fitness kick last night after I did my amazing run. I even packed myself a very healthy salad this morning for lunch. Salads are a lot more calories than people really realize. Seriously! Even though all of the stuff I've got in mine is healthy - like the almonds and avocados, those things still have loads of calories.

Anyway...the apple I ate for "dinner" I really ate at 4 pm as my afternoon snack but I usually don't eat that late so I just shoved it into dinner.

Did you notice how many calories I burned today? I can guarantee you I burned way more than that because the only option I could add in was "low-impact aerobics" - I hate trying to calculate how many calories were burned from DVD workouts. It's too difficult. Anyway, this is the workout I did today. It was rough and I was sweating all over the place, but it was fun and quick paced.

Goals

So I just realized today that every time I've set some goals, I wasn't doing it properly.  You're supposed to set some sort of time measurement on goals and not leave them open ended. I've always set realistic goals, like "lose 5 lbs"...but I never specified WHEN I wanted to lose it. So here is my attempt as setting some timely and realistic goals - let's see how I progress:

Goal 1
Lose 5 lbs or reach 210 lbs - Achieve by August 31st

Goal 2
Lose 5 lbs or reach 205 lbs - Achieve by September 30th

Goal 3
Lose 5 lbs or reach 200 lbs - Achieve by October 31st! HALLOWEEN!!

This is my first set of goals. Basically, my 31st birthday is November 10th and I want to ENSURE that I reach that 200 mark by that date because I haven't been close to 200 lbs in at least 5 years. I hovered around the 205 lb mark last year doing Weight Watchers, but that was about it.

Here are my goals for the remainder of the year:

Goal 4
Lose 5 lbs or reach 195 lbs - Achieve by November 30th

Goal 5
Lose 5 lbs or reach 190 lbs - Achieve by December 31st


Holy crap - this is so realistic! I could lose 25 pounds by the end of the year! That is just amazing to me and really motivates me because I know losing 5 lbs per months is do-able and it's probably likely I'll surpass that goal! But I'm trying to remain realistic here!

And here are the rest of my goals to finally reach my ideal weight of 130 lbs!

Goal 6
Lose 5 lbs or reach 185 lbs - Achieve by January 31st

Goal 7
Lose 5 lbs or reach 180 lbs - Achieve by February 28th

Goal 8
Lose 5 lbs or reach 175 lbs - Achieve by March 31st

Goal 9
Lose 5 lbs or reach 170 lbs - Achieve by April 30th

Goal 10
Lose 5 lbs or reach 165 lbs - Achieve by May 31st

50 lbs lost mark!!!!

Goal 11
Lose 5 lbs or reach 160 lbs - Achieve June 30th

Goal 12
Lose 5 lbs or reach 155 lbs - Achieve July 31st

Goal 13
Lose 5 lbs or reach 150 lbs - Achieve August 31st

Goal 14
Lose 5 lbs or reach 145 lbs - Achieve September 30th

Goal 15
Lose 5 lbs  or reach 140 lbs - Achieve October 31st

75 lbs lost mark!!! HOLY CRAP!!!

Goal 16
Lose 5 lbs or reach 135 lbs - Achieve November 30th

Goal 17
Lose 5 lbs or reach 130 lbs - Achieve December 31st!

That would be a total loss of 85 POUNDS!! WTF?!?! I can do that in just under a year and a half! When I see these smaller goals broken out over this period of time, it seems SO much less overwhelming. I think I have what it takes to just achieve a 5 lb weight loss per month right?!?!

I got this!

A different kind of progress

So the scale hasn't moved yet. In fact, I weighed myself this morning at 217.8 - so technically I'm up from the last time I posted. BUT....I still feel like I've made some progress.

Last week my heart rate monitor watch came in - I got it through Groupon and it was only $10!! And it's from BoxFlex - how sweet is that?  Anyway, it's a normal watch with a heart rate monitor included...so I was able to actually TIME my run/walk and measure my heart rate.

Last night I did my typical 1.5 mile circuit and to my amazement, I actually ran 16 minutes out of the total 25. That's like 64%!! I was pretty amazed with myself at that feat. And when you think about it...I was actually running 64% of the TIME - I probably ran a larger percentage of the actual distance. So I think my goal of completing the entire 1.5 mile circuit by Labor Day is completely achievable.

Today I also signed up for my first 5k!! AHHHHHHHHH - it's on August 11th too - AHHHHHHHHHHHH. What am I thinking? I know I won't be able to run the entire thing...but I will certainly give it a try. To make things even better, it's held in my favorite Utah town, Midway! I just LOVE it up there. Here's a link to the 5k site: http://sheruns.com/

I'm kind of excited because I have something to look forward to over the next two weeks.

I've also been reading a lot of fitness/health blogs this week and I'm finding I'm wanting to stay on track more often than not. Sure I have my weak moments but I think if I really focus on my fitness level first, the diet changes will come naturally over time. I haven't even had fast food in over 2 weeks....so that's a start :P

Motivation

I saw these on one of my favorite blogs: Thinspiration Pictures

I can't access the blog at work (it's prohibited due to the nature of the images apparently)...so if I need a pick-me-up in the middle of the day, I can at least come to my own blog and read these awesome quotes!

- I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.

- Nothing changes if nothing changes.

- You got up this morning with determination and you are going to bed with satisfaction.

- I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

- You can't change the past but you can change the future.

- Don’t let todays moment forsake tomorrows dream.

- Be the girl who turned her cant's into cans, and her dreams into plans.

- The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow.

- Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!

- Even if you lose it little by little, it will still add up to a big result in the end.

- Fridge pickers wear big knickers.

- If you keep going you WILL see results, if you quit you won't.

- Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better.

- You've come too far in life to take orders from a cookie!

- The question isn’t who’s going to let me, the question is who’s going to stop me.

- Success is the sum of small efforts.

- If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.

- I’d rather skinny dip than chunky dunk!

- If you eat what you've always eaten, you'll weigh what you’ve always weighed.

- Not eating light makes your clothes tight.

- Success won't just come to you - it has to be met at least half way.

- Hard work is a two way street. You get back exactly what you put in.
- Don't give up what you want most for something you want in the moment.

- The secret of success is the consistency to pursue.

- When it comes to losing weight, those who can, do; those that can't make excuses.

- Everyday is a new chance to change your life.

- Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

 

And here's a picture I loved from that site too!

 

 

The Reason

....so I have this cycle. I do great and remain motivated on my weight loss journey until I hit the "Two Week Wait". For people who've ever tried to conceive a baby, you know what the two week wait is. Basically, it's the 2 weeks (roughly) after ovulation where you're waiting to see if Aunt Flow will arrive, and if she doesn't, you're in luck cause you just might be preggo!!

And my cycle goes like this. First few weeks before ovulation I'm stoked and rockin it with the weight loss journey. Then the TWW hits and I start losing my mind. I start wanting to eat any and everything!

Well this past cycle...I believe I actually was pregnant and suffered a "chemical pregnancy", meaning the egg never actually implanted into the uterus. If it did implant, it got flushed away with everything else when Aunt Flow arrived.

I experienced a DEEP depression all of last week following the arrival of Aunt Flow. Something beyond anything I'v ever experienced. Friday night I slept for 12 hours straight and then had a 3 hour nap on Saturday afternoon. It was not pleasant....but I do believe the hormones are out of my system and I'm feeling motivated and back on track!

I've vowed to stop the TTC pressure this month and seriously just focus on my health - that's the best thing I can do in preparation for a baby isn't it?

So I'm starting this week at 216.4 pounds. I don't really care how many pounds I lose this week, I just want to make progress. My first real goal is to get to the 200 lb mark again. I haven't been there in probably 5 years or so. I'm planning to do some sort of exercise every day this week that I can. Thursday I'm going to see Wicked and we're having dinner with friends as a double date that night. And then Friday-Sunday we're heading to St. George (southern Utah) with some friends to house hunt (we may move there, that's another story)....so I'm not sure how much exercise I can get in Thursday-Sunday. But, what I can do is eat as cleanly as possible!

Tonight I did some house cleaning and then did my 25-minute The Firm Express workout - I just love that one! It always keeps me interested and I don't get bored.

Tuesday I plan to mow the front and back yard and then do my 25-minute run/walk.

Wednesday will be another workout video accompanied by some stretching.

And here's what I ate for the day....just so you can see I'm on track!!

Life

I've done it again. I've allowed myself to drop my goals again in favor of focusing on other things. I do this all the time. I'm not proud of it.

Since March, when I got married, my husband and I have been trying to conceive a child. I'm only 4 months in now but I'm entirely frustrated. It's an extreme emotional roller coaster for me. I've gone all out. I could list out everything I've been doing to improve my chances....but alas....I'm trying too hard to be God apparently. It doesn't feel like the miracle it's supposed to be.

Suffice it to say....I'm done focusing all my energy on trying to get pregnant. I've vowed to stop taking my temperature every morning, monitoring all of my bodily functions (sorry TMI) and planning the "baby dance" with my husband. It's not right.

It's hard to focus on any other goals in life when all I want more than anything else in this world is to have a baby. But I have to let it go.

I have to find the joy in the things that do make me happy.

I have been keeping up on "some" exercise. I'm still running at least once a week - sometimes twice. I just need to put all my energy and thoughts into getting as healthy as I can.

And I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I found some inspirational quotes today that are helping me feel better about my situation.

The journey of losing weight is 98% mental and 2% physical.

30 Day Shred

Have you heard of this DVD?

I've had it for about 2 years now and have only attempted the workouts in it a few times. They always kick my ass.

Today I was feeling pretty shitty about my behavior with food this....this morning at work I downed 3 cups worth of Cretor's Chicago Mix popcorn. That stuff hurts my mouth yet I eat it like I'm a crack addict.

Essentially, I came home early today to have lunch and this has been my day so far:

My day started out OK and then I hit that popcorn pretty hard. I came home and had a spinach and cheese omelette followed by 2 100 calories desserts while I watched the Real Housewives of OC.

Seriously?!?! I'm almost at 1300 calories just between breakfast and lunch! WTF is wrong with this picture?!?

So I tried to take a nap but couldn't fall asleep cause I felt like an idiot about making NO PROGRESS this week. I got up and attempted the 30 Day Shred.

Let's just say....it wasn't pretty. I only was able to complete about 10 minutes of the 20 minute workout. After I got done with first half of the second sculpting session I was done. The jumping jacks and the pushups just kill me!

I really keep having this internal struggle. On one hand I hear, stick with a calorie limit and let it be that every day. On the other hand I hear, eat back the calories you work off during your workout. If I stick with my 1350 calorie goal I worry that I'm not eating enough and sabotaging my progress.

I have a good friend at work who recently lost 40 lbs told me that he did it by working out every day for no more than 45 minutes and stuck with a 2,000 calorie daily limit (he's a guy so he can have higher). So I'm tempted to up my calorie limit to maybe 1,500 and try to get in my workouts every day. I just need to be more diligent about making them a priority. Here it is, already halfway through June and I don't feel like I've made much progress on my goal to run the full circuit around my neighborhood by the end of summer.

I really have to nail this quote into my head - from Mama Laughlin (whom I LOVE reading every day)

"If it’s important you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse."

This is so true! I'm in!!!

Shameless Promotion

I have NO clue how many people read this blog....but I figured I might as well let you know about my Etsy shop! I've always made felt brooches but I recently started selling my 4th of July yarn wreaths!!

Take a peak at my store and buy something from me if you're so inclined! Thanks!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Rudolf168

Measurements

I promised I would post my updated measurements didn't I?

Well here's the data:

I decided to make a nifty new chart to keep track of my progress.

As you can see...In a little under a month...more like 3 weeks, I've lost 5 lbs and 3 inches. I'm glad there's progress but I'm also disappointed because I know the progress could have been more if I had been 100% focused the entire time.

Anyway...I'm still happy about this. I did get in my morning run and LOVED it! I was able to run really well without much pain. I didn't improve my time much. I still did the 1.5 mile loop in 25 minutes but I'm still working on it.

I had my usual breakfast of a protein shake and 1/2 a grapefruit. I'm meeting a friend for lunch and a movie today so I've already got it all planned out to eat at Zupas.

I love the weekends because I rarely feel the need to snack and it's so much easier for me to stay on track!

Not Bad

So I stuck to my plan VERY well today if I must say so myself.

I ate my Skinny Cow clusters rather early...about 1/2 hour after lunch. So I basically left myself with nothing to eat from 1 pm until 5 pm....around 3 pm I just HAD to eat something so I found a Wonderslim Chocolate Coconut snack bar and had that. It was good.

When I got home I took a little 20 minute cap nap and woke up to do some painting on our porch. Around 6 pm I came in and had some dinner - Lean Cuisine pita and spinach dip. I knew I had to eat rather light for dinner but having that along with some more rice and bean chips really was enough.

BUT....that frozen yogurt I bought last night and never ate was just calling my name. I had to get it out of the way and eat it. So I did. I couldn't find the exact calorie total from Sub Zero but I found something that seemed equivalent.

Anyway...I finished eating and then completed the painting outside. At about 8:20 I took the dog for a 45-minute walk around the neighborhood. I think the circuit I walk is about 2.75 miles or so. It was a good walk. When I got home I was just CRAVING something fruity...like I needed some fruit juice or citrus...I settled for a Cutie and called it a night. We'll see if I make any progress on the scale in the morning....BTW...I will be running first thing when I get up tomorrow. It's supposed to be in the 70s in the AM and then a cold front pushes through and we'll hit the 40s by afternoon. Gotta love Utah weather!

Re-Committed

Alright...last night really brought the fire to my doorstep again. Thank goodness! I needed a damn kick in the pants!

Today I have all sorts of determination/motivation to eat right again and not slip up!

So I've basically planned my entire day - except for dinner.

Here's what we've got goin on:

For breakfast I had a 100 calorie Wonderslim protein shake. I LOVE these things because they're packed with protein, they taste awesome AND they're only 100 calories. I also had 1/2 a grapefruit along with my daily vitamins (Super B-complex, Fish Oil and my Prenatal - I am trying to get preggo afterall).

For lunch I plan to have a small spinach and tuna salad with a few fun things tossed in (almonds, sunflower seeds, grape tomatoes, snap peas, and feta) and my usual carb master yogurt with some wheat germ for texture.

If I happen to need a morning snack I'll have my Boulder Canyon rice and bean chips (only 120 calories) along with an avocado. I may only eat half of the avocado though - we'll see.

And if I'm needing some dessert after lunch (my biggest problem is always needing some kind of dessert) - I'll have a Skinny Cow clusters pack:

And for good measure, I took a snapshot of myself this morning after I got ready for work. I REALLY want to be able to post some before and after pictures of myself so documenting the "before" stuff really needs to happen :P

I'm promising myself to take my dang measurements tomorrow morning after my run. Even if I haven't made any progress in the weight loss arena, I'm hoping I've made progress in the inches-lost arena!

Super helpful website!

Thinspiration Pictures

This website has been instrumental in getting me my mojo back to keep going for my goal.

I don't care for the model type pictures. I actually like the before and after pictures, especially of the heavier girls who've lost over 50 lbs because that's what I need to do.

I'm hoping one day I'll have a before and after picture that is similar.

This girl here actually has a very similar body to mine...amazing!

Mad at Myself Again

**WARNING - RANT AHEAD**

My husband doesn't understand my weight issue. To him, it's all logical. If you have an issue with your health or weight, you simply take steps to correct the problem. You exercise more and you eat less. We've got into numerous arguments over this because I'm an emotional eater and it's hard for me to control myself. He just doesn't understand. In fact, this is basically the only thing we ever argue about because I'm consistently trying to lose weight and I never succeed. Being fat isn't the root cause of our problem, its the fact that he wants me to be healthy for our children.

So...I decided last night that I really wanted some rice krispy treats. So I made some and then had about 1/6 of the pan after they were made. I love ok? And this morning I had some with my breakfast. so now there's about 1/3 of the pan left and apparently he hasn't eaten any. My Dad is staying with us so I think he had some too.

Anyway...husband comes home from work tonight and the first thing he does is point out how much of the rice krispies are eaten. He doesn't do these things to make me upset...he just wants to point out to me that I'm not eating in moderation. Now I feel guilty. I've lost the initial surge of steam I had when I first started really digging in. And now I feel like crap again because I've let myself down again, including my husband.

Why is this so hard to do? Why can't I just STOP snacking all day at work? Why do I want to eat treats all of the time and why do I somehow justify to myself that it's just a simple treat? Basically, I justify a treat for myself every freaking day!

My Dad and I went out for dinner and while I did have a salad, we stopped at an ice cream shop and got some ice cream to go. Actually, I got non-fat frozen yogurt, plain with just some almonds and chocolate in it. But once my husband came home and we had this discussion, I didn't feel like eating my frozen yogurt anymore.

I'm always feeling like a failure because I don't have the self-control or self-discipline that he does. He expects me to act the exact same way he does. He is literally like Spock from Star Trek - NO JOKE. Everything is approached very logically in his world. There is no room for emotion. I just don't see how I can function that way. But apparently I must try somehow.

While I personally feel that I've improved my health tremendously by eating better and exercising more....it's not enough for him unless I'm losing weight. Right now, I'm not motivated to be healthier, because I KNOW I am healthy (I recently had a physical completed at my doctor's office)....I'm just fat....the only thing motivating me is not disappointing my husband by failing at losing weight again.

It's kind of jacked up and it shouldn't be my motivation to lose weight....but it is.

I'm in emotional turmoil over this....and I can't eat anything to make me feel better!

Lost Momentum?

So I've lost some of my zeal to post my progress. How did that happen?

Let's see....last week was difficult schedule-wise. It was my "lady time" for the month and we had a Real Salt Lake soccer game to attend and I had to help with a friend's birthday surprise for two nights in a row. This meant I didn't exercise much last week AND I didn't keep up with tracking my food so much.

Fast forward to the weekend and my Dad arrived from Phoenix. He moved in with us. I won't post all of the details but I will need some time to adjust.

I did go for a run on Sunday evening - it was GREAT! I didn't hurt and I went farther when I ran than normal. Last night I took a leisurely stroll with my Dad and dog...Dad can't go very fast or far so my walk wasn't that effective.  Tonight I did The Firm Express Workout for about 25 minutes.

I'm going to vow to record ALL of my food again for the rest of the week AND log all of my exercise. I also need to post some measurement progress as well as fat picture progress...so I'll try and do that throughout this week.

I NEED TO REFOCUS. IT'S HARD. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

First Day of No Drop

I weigh myself every morning. I know they tell you not to...but I do it anyway to have some sort of physical reminder of my goals for the day. If I don't weigh in then I lose mental accountability for myself.

Today was the first day since I started this journey that I didn't see a decline. Every day I usually see at least a 0.2 decrease. Today I saw a 0.2 increase from the previous day. And THAT is after I mowed the lawn (backyard) AND ran/walked. I also stayed on track with my calories yesterday....more than usual. So I'm wondering if I need to keep up the trend of going over slightly on my calorie intake. We shall see.

I just completed my Slim in 6 workout and I'm planning to take the dog for a 45-minute walk. When I get home - IT IS ON! I'm gonna make some pasta! With ground turkey -shhhh don't tell my husband. I want to see if he notices!

This weekend I plan to post some progress pics (we'll see if you can actually notice a difference) and some measurements - just to see. I like doing that!

Houston, we have PROGRESS!

Holy crap! I've made progress in just over a week!  4.2 pounds - GONE!  This is all after monitoring my calories and working out consistently for an entire week. It wasn't even that hard honestly.

I'm still going my Slim in 6 every other day....and on the off days I am going for a run/walk. When I first started the route I was doing it in 27 minutes. This week I was able to cut it down to 25 minutes. I am running a bit more each day. It's awesome!

This is my progress from MyFitnessPal for today.  I had loads of exercise today because I did my run/walk AND I mowed the back yard - that thing is a bitch to mow. I also kept my calories in check because I ate a super boring lunch. Plain tuna with relish on rice cakes. I even was able to sneak in a piece of red velvet cake with white chocolate ganache made by one of my work friends. Not too shabby!